K I L L News
NAVIGATOR: You are on the incorrect route. Rerouting. Rerouting Rerouting. (scrambling)
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Tonight we bring you news from the Mojave Logistics corporate retreat which, as we reported yesterday, ended in abrupt tragedy and the death of several employees. K I L L News has just received another leaked audio recording from a family member of one of the victims. We are aware that this recording will add to a steady stream of wildly conflicting reports from the event, but we have verified the authenticity of the recording and its source. If you or someone you know has information regarding this matter please send an email to email@example.com.
EMPLOYEE 1: If anyone finds out about this they might actually put us to death. This is… like, treason level shit.
EMPLOYEE 2: No one would believe it even if they saw it with their own eyes. You worry too much.
NAVIGATOR: You must take a right at what’s left.
EMPLOYEE 2: And what can they do now anyway? If there was ever a game being played then we’ve won. Nothing else matters. I just hope I don’t get picked.
PRESENTER (CEO): [Fading up to full volume from background] Thus far our creation has been maintained. Its origin point on the other hand, had to be controlled in a more… permanent fashion. As many in this room know, the chernobyl variant showed early signs of sentience. Our first clue was the way that it gathered and swelled and seemed to be *feeding* on the local wildlife, incorporating the molecular makeup of the animals into itself. Before too long we realized that the byproduct of this process, the *waste,* if you will, were terribly altered caricatures of the original creatures. Early attempts to reign in the original entity were met with aggression and repelled with violence so absurd in some cases it bordered on cartoonish. As a matter of fact the only thing we know for sure about this entity is that it was quite *imaginative.* So we did what had to be done. And while the public would never understand, philistines that they are, trust that we have their best interests at heart. And we are glad that you could all be here to join us on this momentous occasion. We hope that you choose to do your part in the coming days as we must all come together to bring our goals to fruition. Now, if you look under your seat you will know if you have been chosen. Godspeed to all of you.
[SHUFFLING IN CHAIRS]
EMPLOYEE 1: Oh no.
EMPLOYEE 2: Did you get one?
NAVIGATOR: Please turn back.
Interlude Segment: New developments now coming out of the Mojave Logistics corporate retreat mystery that some, including myself, have taken to calling Mojave Gate. The most recent leak to come out of mojave-gate shows what by all accounts can only be called a ritual taking place at the retreat. People on their knees in front of what appears to be a cocoon of webbed smoke, am I hearing this correctly? Yes, a cocoon of webbed smoke and floating dust. In the video we hear a voice believed to be Steven Sheridan, vice president of human resource strategies. His wife claims she has not seen or heard from him since receiving this message. The following may not be suitable for all listeners.
HELLSTROM SEX MOANING
They are using these syringes. Then they just disappear into him. They evaporate. Just whisked away and he gets bigger and bigger. They’re being sacrificed. And he’s not a person anymore. I don’t know what the fuck he is. Please send someone here. There’s armed guards– [loud noise/silence]
SEGMENT 2: A Message from the CEO
NEWS ANNOUNCER: We are back with our ongoing coverage of the vicious attack on Mojave Logistics by a group known only as PAGAN. Nathaniel Godwynn, CEO of Mojave has released this message on the company’s official metaverse feed. This is the first statement from Mojave since the event occurred.
PRESENTER/CEO: Recent musings and altered video posted online in the past two days have hinted at Mojave Logistics participating in untoward behavior. Rumors of “mass ritual” and “summoning” are all entirely unfounded. Such presentations of our recent corporate retreat, currently on the front page of every disreputable news site in the country, have been fabricated from whole cloth. While Mojave Logistics was the victim of a small scale dirty bomb attack perpetrated by a left wing terrorist cell, and incurred a human cost in that regard, we have never and will never sacrifice employees at an altar of any sort. Reports to the contrary are manufactured and will be litigated in both the court of the state of California and public opinion. Let this also be a blanket statement to all journalists who are currently investigating an ENTITY we have supposedly CREATED outside of Blythe California. These rumors are LIBELOUS and trespassers found on Mojave Logistics property designated as code name “wireland” will be prosecuted. We ask that you please avoid this area as we investigate this egregious attack and mourn with the family members who’ve lost their loved ones.
NAVIGATOR: Your destination has been removed.
SEGMENT 3: Whistleblower
NEWS ANNOUNCER: We have received a call here at K I L L news. A whistleblower from Mojave Lo—
EMPLOYEE 2: They are at my fucking door. Do you hear that? They’re gonna fucking kill me.
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Who is at your door? What is your name caller?
EMPLOYEE 2: My name is Rowan Tamlynn. And they are about to kill me. Is this on air? Put me on air. I was at the thing, the thing at the retreat. I sent the recording, I–
NEWS ANNOUNCER: You are on air Caller. We are getting a lot of mixed reports here, maybe you can help clear a few things up. Some people say bomb, some say sacrifice but of course that’s conspiracy talk–
EMPLOYEE 2: I was there they um, they told us we were gonna help change the world. They didn’t tell us what was going to happen I swear, I swear I didn’t know. I never would’ve gone. I need my family to hear this. I need them to know I woulda never gone. They killed my friend, Torrance, he told them no, that he had people who rely on him to survive. He… he tried to run but they just shot him. They never said we had to give our lives. They never told us about… [a shudder] *that thing.*
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Who shot him? Can you slow down Rowan–
EMPLOYEE 2: Mojave did and they are at my fucking door. The president, he’s gone… he’s something else now. They lined them all up, the ones who had the vial under their seats. Like a syringe thing, those air pump vaccine type things. They lined them up on their knees. You’ve seen the videos. That bomb thing is all bullshit. There was no bomb. No terrorists. Just them, just fucking them. Oh my god. [The beating on the door changes to a steady semi rhythmic BEAT] They’re coming. Please. Someone has to do something. Godwynn he’s not human anymore… he’s um, he’s changed himself somehow. He used them as currency, like they were fucking numbers in some fucked up cosmic bank account. I can’t explain it, they all just whisked up into the air and it’s coming. It’s coming for all of us–
EVERYTHING GOES QUIET
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Are you there? Caller?
[The door bashes in and several footsteps and loud crashes follow. A cacophony of violence.]
EMPLOYEE 2: No! They've heard it all! There’s no sense in this? Please.
WHISPER: Kill the phone.
[GUN SHOT. Line goes dead]
K I L L F M
Brought to you by Mojave Logistics.
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Again, we here at K I L L News would like to apologize for the unfortunate prank we were all subjected to last night. We have been contacted by the police and ensured that the perpetrator is alive and well and in the jail where they belong. We are also happy to inform you that arrests have been made in the tragic attack on the corporate retreat we reported on earlier. Three members of the terrorist organization PAGAN are currently in police custody. We would like to thank the Riverside Sheriffs Department for their decisive response and timely handling of a situation that could’ve gotten further out of hand had they not been here to protect us. In other news, a catastrophic explosion has occurred in downtown Blythe destroying countless homes and businesses in the heart of small town America. We will keep you updated on this story as it happens.
NAVIGATOR: You have arrived at your destination. Please step out of the vehicle.
A rise of wind.