[coming back from a commercial break]
ANNOUNCER: Aaaaaannnnd welcome back to the KILL FM Charity Telethon! We’re coming to you LIVE from ______ to tell you your future, while still supporting a great cause. The Mojave Logistics Heritage Fund is very grateful for your contributions thus far, but we still have a ways to go to reach that $10,000 goal!
[the sound equivalent of the camera zooming in on one of those fundraising thermometer trackers]
ANNOUNCER: So! Let’s head back over and see what the all-seeing Madame Isabella Fortune has seen in her tarot cards for our next caller!
[ANNOUNCER walks over to FORTUNE]
ANNOUNCER: Madame Fortune, I see that you have already drawn 3 cards for our next caller! *said like he is verifying the name and amount off a piece of paper* Thank you to Adam J. for your generous $50 donation! Now, am I right that these are from the October’s Children deck? Please, tell us what you see!
FORTUNE: Yes indeed, for Mr. Adam I could sense an immediate connection with this deck. Its energy is strongly linked with events of the past and helps to expose the scars buried deep within us!
ANNOUNCER: Well that all sounds very fascinating, doesn’t it folks?
[the studio audience laughs in response, no one knows why]
FORTUNE: These cards however, are quite foreboding for our caller. The Traveler of Stones reversed, The Precipice, also reversed, and lastly the Nine of Knives. They all come together to tell a particular kind of story, almost like a Three-Card Monte…
— OCTOBER’S CHILDREN: Three-Card Monte —
ANNOUNCER: My, my, my. You did NOT exaggerate Madame Fortune! That was quite a worrisome tale!
FORTUNE: I NEVER exaggerate.
ANNOUNCER: *awkward laugh, clearly a bit thrown off for a moment* Yes, yes of course you wouldn’t. Uh-um– Well let’s find out what to expect for our next donator, shall we?
[ANNOUNCER is handed a slip of paper with the next donator’s information]
ANNOUNCER: *said as an aside to whoever handed the paper* Ah, thank you. *addressing the camera* Now Madame Fortune, the lovely Tracy B. has donated $30 to have her fate revealed by the cards! What do you see in store for her?
FORTUNE: Mmmm yes, it’s quite clear to me! My hand was drawn to pull her two cards from The Night Post, one of my most mysterious decks.
ANNOUNCER: *like he’s trying to rib a friend, but these two are clearly not actually friends so it’s more just awkward* You know, it’s all quite mysterious to me! *chuckles to himself*
FORTUNE: *slightly annoyed* Yes, that is unsurprising. But these cards! The Ace of Cups and the King of Wands, oh what a pair they make. Tracy, my dear, I believe you are in grave danger of Self Sabotage…
— THE NIGHT POST: Self Sabotage —
ANNOUNCER: Well I sure hope for Tracy’s sake that is just a metaphor! But before we continue with the next tarot reading, let’s take a moment to check in and see where we are with our goal!
[ANNOUNCER walks over to the goal tracker]
ANNOUNCER: It looks like we’re currently sitting at $5,072! We are on our way to that $10,000 goal, folks, but we need your help to reach it! Call now to the number on your screen and show us how much you care! Our charity partner, The Heritage Fund, is relying on your generosity! *somewhat begging* And so am I! *nervous laughter* B- but it looks like our next caller is about to receive their message from the realm of spirits!
[ANNOUNCER walks back over to FORTUNE]
FORTUNE: Yes, I have pulled some rather interesting cards for Jeremiah S. from this Project Gnosis deck.
ANNOUNCER: Is that so! Tell us more about them, Madame Fortune!
FORTUNE: Your anxiety about the future is quite clear to me, Jeremiah! For you I have drawn the Wheel of Fortune as well as the King of Cups! But I sense an undercurrent of something else, and I believe it will be best told through a story I shall call Pic Mint…
— PROJECT GNOSIS: Pic Mint —
ANNOUNCER: Wow! What a chilling glimpse into the future! I hope you’re prepared, intrepid caller, because the cards have spoken. But for the rest of you, we hope you’re ready to hear more from the incredible Madame Isabella Fortune, because we are only at hour 12 of this charity telethon and there is so much more ahead. Let’s keep those phones ringing an-
[channel changes suddenly and we go right into the next segment]
— 19 NOCTURNE BLVD: Two Reversed Swords —
[storm warning interruption and then a click]
VOICE: You have completed Side A. Please, turn the tape over and proceed to Side B.
[END OF PART 1]
[BEGINNING OF PART 2]
[click as the tape is turned over]
[tv is still playing stuff related to the wrestling match of the prior segment. GRANDMA enters the room and immediately makes a noise of disgust]
GRANDMA: Oh, what is this trash you’ve changed to!
[sound of flipping through channels trying to get back to the telethon]
KID: Hey! I was watching that!
GRANDMA: *annoyed mumbling* Half naked men throwing each other around for entertainment, what a terrible influence on a young boy.
[sound of the channel changing back over to the telethon suddenly, catching it mid-sentence]
ANNOUNCER: Wow that was some reading, Madame Fortune! *said with a confidence he does not have about any of this* Felt like a bit of a Two Reversed Swords kind of situation to me!
FORTUNE: *clearly annoyed* There were no cards from the suit of swords involved if you recall. Simply The Star, Temperance, and The Tower.
ANNOUNCER: *completely ignoring her clear annoyance* Yes, of course. But I think it’s time we take a moment to catch up with the representatives of the Heritage Fund here with us in the studio!
[ANNOUNCER walks over to stand next to CHARITY REP 1 and CHARITY REP 2]
ANNOUNCER: And how are you both feeling about the event so far?
CHARITY REP 1: Well we are just so grateful for the hard work that has gone into making this event happen!
CHARITY REP 2: Yes, we’ve all been so excited at the Mojave Logistics Heritage Fund leading up to this, and we really hope the event is a total success!
ANNOUNCER: *sounding somewhat scared of the consequences* Ahahaha yes! We DEFINITELY want to reach that fundraising goal! And it looks like we are currently sitting at… *sounding scared and anxious* $6,145…? Th-that can’t be right, can it? *nervous laugh* I- I MEAN, WOW! WE’VE MADE SUCH GREAT PROGRESS!
CHARITY REP 1: *unphased by the ANNOUNCER’s clear fear* We sure have! And it’s only hour 15 so we have plenty of time to go to reach that goal!
ANNOUNCER: *nervous laugh, but more under control* Y- yes, yes! Still lots of time to hit that $10,000 dollar mark! So let’s, uh, let’s remind everyone why it’s so important that they donate! Please, tell us why every dollar is so important to helping further the important work you do!
CHARITY REP 2: Well, as you may already know, the Mojave Logistics Heritage Fund is the charitable arm of the Mojave Logistics Corporation. Our focus is on preserving the great archeological history of this nation, and using that knowledge to further advance our growth as a society and bridge the gap between who we are now and who we were then.
CHARITY REP 1: We firmly believe that there is value in examining our ancient roots and extracting that wisdom.
ANNOUNCER: Wow, that really does sound important!
CHARITY REP 1: *vaguely threatening* And we should all feel very grateful to be part of this important and rewarding opportunity.
CHARITY REP 2: Plus, it’s been an absolutely tubular time being here tonight! As our motto says, Mojave Logistics: putting the “fun” back in “Fund”.
ANNOUNCER: Well, it was great talking to you ladies, but I think Madame Fortune is ready with her next tarot reading for one of our callers!
[ANNOUNCER walks back over to FORTUNE]
ANNOUNCER: I see that you’ve already pulled a card for our next donator! But what’s this card you’ve placed off to the side here?
FORTUNE: Ah, well you see sometimes the deck has ideas of its own! Our dear Richard M. donated $15 to have me pull a singular card for his fortune from The Love Talker deck, but! When I pulled the Son of Swords, the very cunning Seven of Swords came with it!
ANNOUNCER: Fascinating! And what a bargain for him! Though perhaps he'll be grateful enough to send in a few more dollars as thanks?
FORTUNE: Either way, I can tell from these cards that he is quite a Man of Action…
— THE LOVE TALKER: Man of Action —
ANNOUNCER: Truly inspiring stuff. And hopefully inspiring enough to convince some of you at home to call in and donate NOW! Help us reach our funding goal while getting a glimpse into the world beyond! Let's check the status of our donation tracker, shall we?
[ANNOUNCER walks over to the donation tracker, footsteps faltering as he nears it]
ANNOUNCER: *very nervous sounding* W-well, it seems we are still quite a bit short of our goal. Still only just over $7000 dollars has been raised towards the Heritage Fund, b-but I believe in all of you! So let's keep those phones ringing and ringing and ringing! A-and let's jump right back in with our next fortune if you're ready, Madame Isabella?
FORTUNE: I am always ready to channel the forces beyond.
ANNOUNCER: Well that is great news for all of us then! So tell us about our next caller!
FORTUNE: The next person calling to inquire about their future is Christa Z!
ANNOUNCER: Yes, and THANK YOU Christa for your generous $30 donation! Every little bit counts towards reaching that goal!
FORTUNE: Mmmm yes, and I sensed something rather unique from your aura, dear Christa. Something I knew only these cards from Syntax could address. For you I have drawn the Three of Wands and the Six of Arrows, the meaning of which I suspect will become clear after you've had a DeepDream…
— SYNTAX: DeepDream —
ANNOUNCER: Wow! What incredible skill to decipher such a message! But, we hope you’re ready to hear more from the incredible Madame Isabella Fortune! Because we are only at hour… *falters in the salesman tone, sounding incredibly distressed and exhausted* 17…? *a cough and fumble as the ANNOUNCER collects themself momentarily, only to shift back into sounding distressed* 17 of this charity telethon! And there is so much more ahead. Keep those calls coming and phones ringing.
[momentary cutaway from the action, some static or a technical difficulties type of sound]
ANNOUNCER: *sounding as though the last lines never happened* So let's jump right back into it and see what these cards have to say! Madame Fortune, what do you see for Adam L.?
FORTUNE: I felt quite drawn to the cards of Morbid Forest to tell of your fate, Adam! I sensed you are at a Crossroads, and they did not fail me, as I drew for you the Seven of Wands and The Fool.
— MORBID FOREST: Crossroads —
ANNOUNCER: Remarkable! *nervous teasing* So tell me, Madame Fortune, what do you see in MY future?
FORTUNE: *unimpressed* I believe in order to tell you that, you would need to call in and donate. But I can already sense it will not be good.
ANNOUNCER: *nervous laughter, trying too hard to sound casual* Hahaha, what a funny sense of humor you have! W-we still have PLENTY of time to change that and reach our goal! So let's get right on with the next one, shall we?
FORTUNE: Of course.
ANNOUNCER: *really struggling to hold it together as we near the end* It seems our next donation is from Elena C.! Thank you for your $15 donation, and remember folks: even these small donations are going to help a great cause and go towards a goal that REALLY needs to be met!
— THE SERPENT UNDER MY SKIN: Vice of Ambition —
ANNOUNCER: *barely hiding the distress* Such awe inspiring talent on display here tonight from Madame Fortune! Let's all continue to show our appreciation by donating, donating, donating! It looks like we've entered our FINAL hour of this charity telethon, and boy are we cutting it close to reaching that goal! We are just under $1500 away from our $10,000 goal, but I believe we can make it! I believe that all of you at home will do the right thing and DONATE! PLEASE. DONATE. *forced laughter* But it's not over yet! No no no, we still have plenty of time for all you generous people to call in! So let's come back over to Madame Fortune and find out who is about to learn their destiny!
FORTUNE: For any of you familiar with my tools, you will recognize that this deck is one of my most foreboding. But for James T. there was a little Ear Worm from my guiding spirits! I knew The Storage Papers was the one that needed to channel his fate! It of course has lived up to its reputation, as the cards I have pulled are the Nine of Wands and The Tower…
— THE STORAGE PAPERS: Ear Worm —
ANNOUNCER: And it looks like we are moments away from the end of this telethon! We'd like to thank everyone who contributed, but it's not too late! Your donations can still make a difference to the Mojave Logistics Heritage Fund, so please keep calling in even as the clock ticks down! Please.
CHARITY REP 1: Yes, we are so grateful to all of you at home!
CHARITY REP 2: The generosity of everyday people like you is what keeps our charity going!
CHARITY REP 1: And it seems that we are just about to hit the 24 hour mark, this is so exciting!
CHARITY REP 2: I'm so excited to see our total!
ANNOUNCER: *extremely nervous, knowing his fate is in the balance, but trying to force the enthusiasm* Haha… yes, yes let's uh, see that number! And hope it's big big big!
CHARITY REP 2: Can we get a drumroll please?
[they do indeed get a drumroll, ending with a triumphant reveal sound that slightly peters out as everyone sees the total did not hit the goal]
ANNOUNCER: *audibly dawning terror* O- oh…
CHARITY REP 1: Aww, darn! We were so close!
CHARITY REP 2: Just shy of our $10,000 goal, that's too bad! But, we should still all be very proud of what we accomplished here today!
CHARITY REP 1: Yes absolutely!
ANNOUNCER: *trying to worm his way out of his fate* S- so that's good enough right? We hit $9,669, so I'm safe right??
CHARITY REP 1: *not sounding sorry at all* We're sorry, but it just doesn't work like that.
CHARITY REP 2: *definitely sounding more sinister underneath the professional tone* You'll have to come with us now.
[the CHARITY REPs advance on the ANNOUNCER]
ANNOUNCER: *outwardly terrified* No, NO! How is that not enough?? We're so close, just- *a noise like being punched in the gut and manhandled*
[sound of the ANNOUNCER getting dragged away]
ANNOUNCER: *fading into the background noise* Just give me 10 more minutes, okay??? I can get us there, I know I can! Please please don't do this, you don't have to do this!
CHARITY REP 1: Well thank you all so much for joining us! This has been a fantastic event for everyone involved!
CHARITY REP 2: And a special thank you to Madame Isabella Fortune for her insightful tarot readings!
CHARITY REP 1: We hope you will join us again for the next KILL FM event, and wish you all a great night!